This pretty much sums up what I feel about pharma advertising.

SIDE EFFECTS

Most patients (2%) tolerate treatment with PANEXA well, especially when compared with prisoners of war of comparable size and weight. However, like all drugs, PANEXA can produce some notable side effects, all of which are probably really, really terrific and nothing that anyone should be concerned about, let alone notify any medical regulatory commission about. Most side effects of PANEXA, or their sufferers, are usually short-lived, and are rarely so fatal that the remains can no longer be identified, provided good dental records are available. Some known side effects are:

Respiratory system: Shortness of breath, longness of breath, kinetic balloon-like lung expansion, really geeky laughs

Digestive system: explosive diaherrea, upset stomach; bitter, withdrawn stomach, prehensile colon, achy butt; shiny, valuable feces composed of aluminum and studded with diamonds and sapphire

Eyes/senses: everything you think you see becomes a Tootsie Roll to you, night vision, taste hallucinations (where everything tastes 'gamey' or 'oakey'), inability to distinguish the colors 'taupe' and 'putty'; sudden enjoyment of really bad music, like Kenny G or some crap; thinking everything is so damn funny all the time

Muscular/Skeletal: PANEXAcan cause a real live skeleton to be walking around inside you, buttock muscles to mirror the actions of the jaw muscles, magnetization of the ribcage, and musical spine disorder (MSD) Skin: Might turn blue, wither, and fall off. Or just get really thick and spongy (muppet-like)

Other: Loss of sexual desire and/or desirability; rising of the lights, the vapors, the willies; susceptibility to wedgies, no rhythm, dresses for shit, and can't hold a job to save your life; blue sweats; symptoms that look like scurvy, but louder; and the compulsion to address everyone nearby as "Cap'n."