SUBJECT: THINGS THAT GO
FETO'AI IN THE NIGHT
DATE: 26 FEBRUARY 2003
FROM: ANDREW
My house in Fagali'i is a regular menagerie of critters these days, most of them, sadly, are uninvited guests. Fortunately, the two critters that do the most bumping in the wee hours, are my little felines, Filemu and Makelani.
Just in case you were wondering, the kittens, or as I like to call them, "The Weapons of Mass Destruction", are doing great. They're good eaters (especially Mak) and are very healthy. No fleas. No ticks. No nothing. They also kill just about anything that moves. Unfortunately, there is always serious collateral damage.
The "Weapons" sleep about 20 hours a day. They spend another 3 hours in sort of a heat-index induced narcoleptic daze. With their remaining time, they either kill intruders, chase each other around the flat or urinate on possessions I hold dear.
Rarely a day goes by that I don't come home to a host of new dead creatures or corners that smell like a homeless shelter in Port-au-Prince. But that's why man invented Pine Sol.
Despite their faults, you just have to love them. I mean, look at them, they are adorable.
Here's a sampling of the other things that go Feto'ai in the night:
THE ANTS
Recently I was chatting with Patrick, a fellow Peace Corps volunteer and the former resident of my flat. We were joking about the varied array of animals that make their way into and around the apartment. Patrick would say something like, "Ah, the slugs. Can't do anything about them. HA HA HA" or, alternately, "Ah, the ants. Can't do anything about them. HA HA HA." He seemed to have a far greater calm about the critters than I am able to muster. Perhaps that's because he doesn't live here anymore.
Like Patrick says, you certainly can't do anything about the ants. You could drive yourself manic and try to kill them whenever they show up, but that's a pointless exercise. They always come back and in far greater numbers. Well, that's not really true, but it sounds dramatic. They come back in the same numbers, but they always, I mean, ALWAYS, come back.
To test this point, I left a piece of dried cheese on the counter. Within a few minutes, it was swarming with ants. I slid the cheese over and sponged the ants to a watery death in the sink. Within a few minutes, they were back. I killed them all again. Within a few minutes, they came back. This goes on until either the ants have carried all the cheese away, bit by tiny bit, or you are driven insane (possibly, both). If ants had a PR firm working for them, their slogan would be, "Kill all you want, we'll make more."
The only real problem I have with the ants is when they get into the fridge. I don't know how they do it, but they get in there somehow. They get into the freezer too, but judging by the frozen ant carcasses buried in the permafrost, I think they quickly come to regret that decision.
Where I come from, the fridge is strictly an ant-free zone. Apparently the ants in Samoa didn't get the memo. There are very few things worse than dreaming of a quesadilla on the bus ride home only to return and discover that the ants have laid claim to your cheese.
Sometimes having the ants can be a bonus, such as when one of the "Weapons" pukes in the middle of the night. By the time I wake up, the ants are already hard at work, making my place nice and clean for me. Awfully considerate of them, isn't it?
THE MOSQUITOES
Anyone who has been following my travels over the last several years can tell you how passionately I feel about killing mosquitoes. It's kind of a hobby of mine. The skeeters in Fagali'i must have gotten some sort of advance notice of my arrival since I rarely see them flittering about. I'm lucky; I don't have to sleep with a mosquito net. I just light the occasional coil after it rains.
Thankfully, there is no malaria here in Samoa. We do have Dengue Fever though. There seems to be an outbreak of Dengue in the islands about once every 5 years. Last year around 20 or so volunteers came down with the disease. Bad luck for them, but it looks like Group 69 is in the clear. (That said, one of our members turned up sick last week and the initial blood test revealed a possibility of Dengue).
Classic dengue, known for its low mortality but very uncomfortable symptoms, has become more serious, both in frequency and mortality, in recent years. The carrier is the Aedes mosquito which, unlike its malarial cousin Anopheles, bites during daylight hours.
Also unlike malaria, there is no prophylactic for Dengue, so you just have to avoid getting bitten. While my house is relatively mosquito free, I can't say the same for my office. Oh, my office. Can't do anything about that. HA HA HA.
THE GECKOS
I tend to like Geckos. They're cute and they eat bugs. In my place they range from the tiny one inch babies to the foot long monsters. The cats tend to like them too. Filemu enjoys hunting them down, biting their heads off and presenting them to me on our stoop. Makelani hasn't quite gotten the hang of it. Then again, he's a special needs cat.
When I first arrived, there was an a enormous lizard hanging out in my kitchen behind the fridge. I named him Norbert. He would usually come out at night and sneak around. Then the cats noticed Norbert and I didn't see him for weeks.
A few days ago when I saw him in the corner of my room above my bed. His was back was all scrapped up and I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I'm guessing Filemu had a little fun with him. Sadly, Norbert probably went off somewhere cat-free.
THE COCKROACHES
When I first moved in, there were roaches a plenty in the house. Big surprise there. The "Weapons" loved this because roaches are the perfect cat toy. Let me explain.
First of all, cockroaches come darting at high speed along the floor. The kittens are great at picking up any movement and they quickly pounce on the unsuspecting insects. Well, Filemu pounces. Mak kind follows along.
Fil will grab the roach in her mouth, move over to one of the corners, let it go and begin the chase all over again. Because roaches are fairly durable, this can last several hours until either the insect has no limbs or Fil tires of the chase, at which point, it's chow time. Roaches are like french fries to a cat. A kitten couldn't ask for anything more.
I hardly ever see roaches in the house these days.
THE TERMITES
When I was growing up in LA, we had termites. I thought it was the coolest thing. First they threw a circus tent over our house. Then we got to spend the weekend at our grandparents. Now, I'm having second thoughts.
Here's an interesting fact about termites that you probably didn't know. Worker termites need a high humidity to survive and will carry mud up into the wood where feeding to maintain a 97 percent relative humidity. Incidentally, that's the exact humidity in my apartment at this very moment. This place is like Gstaad for termites.
Termites also have the ability to move their colony up and down in the soil to find the optimal temperature and moisture conditions. Smart little suckers, aren't they?
Termites have descended on Samoa like a biblical plague. Almost every house is made of wood and few houses are spared this scourge. The real issue for me, as a temporary resident in a government flat, is not the long-term damage to the house, about which I can do nothing (all literature on prevention starts with, "reduce humidity". yeah, right). It is the filth that the termites leave behind as they feast on anything wooden in the apartment that is the issue.
As they burrow into my walls and my furniture, the termites leave behind a little something I like to call "termite excrement." Every day I come home to piles of dust and shit, under the table, in the shower, along the walls, beside my bed. You get the point.
To combat this, I bid for and won an auction on eBay for a Dirt Devil. Unfortunately the guy I won it from is a lazy ass and hasn't given me the shipping total although it's been over a month since the auction closed. So, in the meantime, I sweep.
THE SPIDERS
Sure I got spiders. Mostly there are the daddy long legs variety that hang innocently in the corners of the bathroom. I tend to leave those guys alone since they hoover up the insects. It's the big, hairy freaky spiders that I have to watch out for.
Rather than describe them, I going to give you a snippet of the Instant Message conversation I had with my brother the day after the first of these spiders showed in my place (that would be the 22nd of January at 1:21AM, in case you were curious):
hechtic1: last night
hechtic1: im trying to go to sleep
hechtic1: it's about 130
hechtic1: makelani is sleeping on me
hechtic1: i can hear filemu
hechtic1: making sounds like she's chasing a critter
hechtic1: that she cant get to
hechtic1: i turn on the lights
hechtic1: she's sitting on the armrest of my wooden chair
hechtic1: looking up at the ceiling
hechtic1: i look up
hechtic1: there's a huge fucking spider
hechtic1: like the size of my palm
hechtic1: and there's something under it's belly
brianhecht: arachnophobia
hechtic1: i take a closer look
hechtic1: it's an egg sack
hechtic1: it's bigger than her
hechtic1: i took a few digital shots
hechtic1: then i got out the bug spray
hechtic1: i fired a quick burst
hechtic1: she starts to move
hechtic1: and a few little spiders run out of the egg sack
hechtic1: I'm thinking, holy shit, I'm going to have spiders all over this place
hechtic1: i let loose with the bug spray
hechtic1: she falls to the floor
hechtic1: the egg sack falls the floor
hechtic1: I'm trying to keep the cats away
hechtic1: hundreds of little spiders burst forth from the sack
hechtic1: she limps under the chair
hechtic1: I'm spraying like a madman after i sequester the cats in the bathroom
hechtic1: i search for the spider
hechtic1: can't see it
hechtic1: then I see her crawling towards the kitchen
hechtic1: i grab the dust broom
hechtic1: and scoop her ass and the egg sack out the door
hechtic1: frightening
brianhecht: do you have any good books?
brianhecht: are you reading something?
brianhecht: and how's the social life?
brianhecht: do the volunteers go out a lot?
brianhecht: are there places to go out?
hechtic1: sorry, there's a paper jam
hechtic1: brb
brianhecht: no worries
Clearly, my brother lost interest in the end, but it freaked me out and it continues to freak me out whenever I see one of these of these hairy monsters roaming the walls. Fortunately, they make good eating for the "Weapons" who find them simply delicious.
THE BEES
Normally a couple of bees a night find their way into the house from the massive hive behind my carport. They bounce around the fluorescent lights for a while and when they crash down to earth, the cats bat them around some for kicks. No big deal.
THE CENTIPEDES
Centipedes have to be amongst the most foul creatures that crawl on the face of the earth. How foul, you say? Did anyone out there see the first Lord of the Rings movie? (if you didn't, do yourself a favor and go rent it). Without giving anything away, when Frodo et al. first encounter a Ring Wraith on the road to Bree. The hobbits take cover under the root of a large tree. When the wraith dismounts, what creature should come slithering out? None other than a nasty, brown centipede. That's how foul.
Centipedes are not insects, but are more closely related to lobsters, crayfish and shrimp. Centipede Scapmi? I don't think so. With their segmented bodies and vicegrip jaws, they look like the sort of vile monster that only someone like H.P. Lovecraft could invent.
They are most often found in moist habitats or areas of high humidity, such as, for example, my apartment. Depending on the species, centipedes can vary in length from one to 12 or more inches when mature. The little ones are more dangerous, but the big ones are, well, foul.
Fortunately the "Weapons" usually alert me to their presence before the centipedes do something crazy, like bite me. Centipedes normally feed on insects, chomping on them with their powerful jaws and then killing with an injection of venom. Unfortunately, unsuspecting humans get in the way, as two members of our training group found out in Matâutu.
Generally the bite is no worse than a bee sting and can be treated with an antihistamine, like Benadryl. People who are allergic to insect venoms and other toxins may suffer severe reactions to the venom of a centipede. However, it's not the bite that has me worried--it's having one of these foul creatures on me.
THE MILLIPEDES
I don't know what purpose millipedes serve on this planet. They don't seem to do anyone any bit of good. You touch them, they curl up into a little ball and you flick them under the door. End of story.
THE RATS
Nary a night goes by that I don't hear the rats scurrying around in the crawl space above my ceiling. I haven't seen too many signs of them in my place, because the "Weapons" hone in on them like heat seekers.
Two of my neighbors actually borrowed Filemu to chase down an offending mouse in their adjacent flats. She caught up with the mouse, but toyed with it too much and it escaped.
She had better luck yesterday afternoon. She caught a little rat and snapped it's neck. Apparently she didn't know it was dead because she played with it for the better part of an hour.
Patrick tells me that the rats occasionally die in the walls and the crawl space. I'll know it by the smell. Ah, the smell. Can't do anything about that. HA HA HA.
Interestingly, during this time, there won't be any ants in the apartment. All their forces are mustered to dismantle the deceased rat. Within a day or two, the smell is gone and the ants are back.
So it goes in Fagali'i.
